Each year before my birthday I sit down to reflect on my life, where I’ve been, and where I think I’m going. This is that little reflection:
✨ On a Healing Journey ✨
“On a healing journey” is the best way I can think to describe my life right now. Some days I feel like I’m thriving, the best version of myself. Other days I feel like I’m just barely surviving, the most broken version of myself I have ever met.
The past couple years have beaten me to the ground. Life has trampled over me, kicked dirt in my eyes, spit in my face. There have been days I’ve wanted it all to end. Days I didn’t care anymore. Days I wanted to throw in the towel and let the devil win.
But there have also been days where I felt strong, like I could take on the world. Brave, ready to look pain in the eyes and face my fears. Resilient, having so many heavy things hit me so hard so fast, yet I stood my ground and fought.
The truth is life sucks. I never thought I would have walked this road. I never imagined I would be struggling with my mental health. But here I am. There’s no way to dance around it, so I have chosen to boldly walk through it. This is my life and I am working on accepting what has been, so I can change what will be.
While I would have never chosen to walk some of these paths I’ve been led down, I can see how God is using them for good in my life. Some days that’s hard to admit, but I know it’s true. I may be strong, brave, and resilient, but I am only capable of those things because of God. I wouldn’t still be here if it wasn’t for Him.
God let the world break me, so that I truly had to depend on Him. My faith has been tested, my world has been rocked. But through it all He has remained constant.
I pray that I continue to walk this life I have been given in love, humility, and grace. And I pray that I can be like my Maw in the way she carried herself and always, no matter what, pointed others to Jesus.
Jesus was willing to endure mockery, betrayal, and the cross when he didn’t deserve it. I’ve always known that, but never fully understood the weight of that until I had to walk through hard things myself. Trust in God, sweet friends. The world and people will always let you down, but He never will.
Here’s to healing ✨ and hopefully a beautiful last year in my 20s.